Eyes Wide Open

I feel like my eyes have been opened to a couple of home truths today. I’m not sure if either of these truths really are the truth, or if the truth has been skewed somewhat by my emotional involvement.

Firstly, I had a panic attack today that my thesis is shit. I have been writing my thesis for 8 months now. The first two months, following leaving the lab, last summer, were highly productive. Lots was written as everything was fresh in the mind and I was happy that, at the end of three years work, I only had to write it all up and people would call me Dr billyo forever. Then I started my new job in September, and writing slowed as, new job + long commute does not equal lots of productive time for writing.

But I’ve plodded along, mostly working on the train on my way to work, and finally the end is in sight. I’ve pretty much written it all, I’ve handed in my notice of submission. I’ve just got to edit it all together and then the weight is lifted. And that will feel so good.

So this morning I started the editing process. By editing, what I actually mean is, correcting all the places where my supervisor has spilt his red pen on the first draft. And this morning I had a panic attack – there was an awful lot of red pen. And worse, it was crap. The work is second rate, and the writing and analysis third rate at best.

Oh fuck.

Is this the truth or have I become snow-blind to my thesis after staring at it for 8 months?

My mood was cheered later this afternoon by a chat with my fiance who put everything into perspective and news filtering through on the wireless that my beloved football team were not one, but two goals up against Charlton. Being a Watford fan for the last 9 months hasn’t been much fun, goals have been few and far between, let alone wins. So this news was good, and with spirits lifted I ploughed on with the thesis.

Watford though blew it. The game finished two-two. Sounds like Charlton played a bit better in the second half, and upon getting a goal back, Watford panicked a bit and with three minutes to go Charlton equalised. Bollocks. I am now finally seeing what all those without Elton’s glasses on have seen since October. We’re down. Oh well. It’s easier to get tickets in Division 2. Still bloody annoying though.

So the truth dawns, my thesis has taken too long to write, and my football team is crap. But I have dedicated a lot of my life to both so I’ll continue to care passionately about them.

So what’s left to raise my mood now? Well Comic Relief does Fame Academy is on. It’s about the only good celebrity tv programme, and they don’t get paid, it doesn’t take itself too seriously, and as an added treat it is this year co-presented by Claudia “the loon” Winkleman. In my humble opinion Claudia should be given a great deal more vehicles to showcase her unique nutty presenting style. I just hope the producers don’t reign her in too much. Should be worth watching.

But then again, the singing will be total shite.